I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!
Dating Is Not the Remedy for Insecurity
June 6, 2017
Two things before I continue with this topic.
1.) Wedding planning is going well.
2.) I am still working at Chick-fil-A, but I’m also babysitting and teaching piano lessons this summer.
There. I just answered the two main questions you may have concerning my life right now.
Also, yes..I got a haircut and new glasses. Yay!
Now…onto today’s topic.
To begin, let’s go back in time to right before I met Andrew.
I was eighteen years old (aw, so young…not that I’m not still young..but you know what I mean), single, and just starting college. I was in the mindset that if I found someone in college, great, but if I didn’t, oh well.
In case you didn’t know (spoilers) I miraculously met someone and we started to date. What I did not realize at the time, but what I have come realize, is that my mindset around dating was a bit skewed. As someone who has personally struggled with body insecurity as well as disordered thinking when it comes to eating and exercise, I somehow thought that dating someone would get rid of those insecurities. I thought if I found a guy who loved, cherished, and supported me, all of my insecurities would somehow disappear.
After dating Andrew for several months, I noticed something—my insecurities were still there. I still had days when I woke up feeling ugly, or fat, or dumb, or just BLAH (you know what I mean). At first, I felt bad. Shouldn’t I feel awesome all of the time? I mean, I have an amazing guy who treasures and loves me…why do I feel this way?
And then it hit me: dating is not the remedy for insecurity. It’s not like an aspirin or a flu shot. It’s not meant to be a juice cleanse or a “quick fix” diet pill. And, what I think is the hardest thing for many people to grasp, a person (and therefore their words and relationship to you) can not fix your struggles.
Now, don’t get me wrong—Andrew is an amazing human. He loves me so, so, so well. He supports me and encourages me like crazy. He makes me feel beautiful, inside and out, every single day. Being in a relationship with him has made me stronger, more caring, more considerate, and has caused me to love better.
He is not the one who is able to fix my insecurities.
Actually, no person on earth could fix my insecurities…no one, zilch, nada…I think you get the point. And guess what? I can’t fix Andrew’s insecurities either. Dang. I hate that. I wish I could magically “poof” (haha the word poof is funny) them all away. But I can’t.
Ultimately, God is the one who works within us to combat our insecurities. Of course He can use others to help us work through those insecurities, and often, Andrew helps me overcome negative thoughts/feelings/emotions through his prayers and encouragement, but Andrew is simply a vessel for God’s love and care, not God Himself.
But that’s exactly the point I had missed.
Unintentionally, I had placed Andrew’s words, approval, encouragement, and heck, even his title as “boyfriend” on a pedestal—a pedestal not meant for any human to sit on. You see, Andrew isn’t meant to be my Healer, Deliverer, Redemption, or Savior—he’s meant to be my helpmate and partner in this life.
And guys…that’s pretty epic.
Both the fact that I have a Redeemer, Healer, Savior, and Deliverer in God, but also that God created other humans for us to love and encourage. It’s amazing.
That’s why we have to be careful—careful not to place our loved ones in a spot they aren’t meant to fill.
In our dating relationships (and our engagement and married relationships) we constantly need to turn our focus to the one who CAN heal, redeem, and save us. Every day, we must put both our partner’s and our own insecurities and struggles before the Father, because He alone is the remedy.
I definitely don't have it all figured out (ask Andrew), but I can say it has been amazing to see how God has molded and shaped both Andrew and I the past two years. When we finally realized we couldn't fix each other, it was a relief-- I mean, no more pressure to be perfect or to expect the other person to be perfect! YES. PRAISE GOD.
To those of you who are not in a relationship, two things I want you to take from this post:
1.) You DO NOT have to be struggle/insecurity free to be in a relationship.
2.) Your boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT God and can not heal/save/redeem you like He can.
To all of you dating/engaged/married:
What are your thoughts? Do you unintentionally place your partner on a pedestal?
How have you combatted insecurities/struggles in your relationships? I'd love to know!