When God's Promises Come to Fruition

Guys.

What a whirlwind these past three months have been.

It is absolutely insane how normal it feels to have a child...I mean...it's hard to imagine my life without him in it. It's kind of like when I got married--I felt like I had always been married and it's become harder to remember days where Andrew wasn't my husband (even though it's only been 3 years). Of course there are days where I remember not having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed a hungry baby, and of course there are moments where I recall a time where I could eat dinner with both hands free and go out of the house whenever I want to wherever I want.

But it's all worth it.

When he smiles, when he laughs, when he greets me in the morning with little coos and smiles. It's all worth it.

I've been reflecting a lot on how I came to be a mother, and I know that my story is just one in the history of women becoming mothers, but I can't not tell you how God has worked in my life. How He fulfilled his promise to me that I would be a mom.

I do want to say that I will be talking about my past of disordered eating/exercise, pregnancy, and birth in this post so if any of those topics are difficult for you in this season to read I totally understand if you do not want to read this post. <3

My hope in sharing all of this is to give hope for others who may be in a season where it is hard to see how God's promises are going to actually happen. This is not about what I did or didn't do but about what God has done!

It all started when I was barely two. My mom had just had my brother and I received a baby doll of my own so I could be like mommy and I loved it. As I got older I left the baby dolls behind, but still witnessed my mom each day care of us, teach us, and do the stay-at-home mom life. Even as a young girl, I remember thinking how amazing it would be to someday be a mom. When I learned about sex and then about childbirth, I got scared for a hot second, but then blocked that out for quite some time because I was only a preteen who could barely wrap her mind around having a boyfriend, let alone a partner for life with whom I would have children.

When I reached my teens, I was pretty set on the idea of being a stay-at-home mom and teaching piano lessons (like my mom). I knew those two jobs were more than just a desire in my heart--they were callings...a deep desire that just the thought of doing either brought such an immense feeling of joy.

Then I focused on my body.

What it looked like.

What it didn't look like.

What went into it and what didn't.

How many miles I should run or how many hours I should go between eating.

I dropped weight and confidence, even though I thought being thinner would bring me the happiness and attention I desired.

And with the loss of weight I lost my period.

"Oh, don't worry about that. That's normal if you're active."--my doctor.

I know she meant to calm any fears of something being wrong, but I wish she would have told me that losing your period (after it had been regular for over five years) was not normal and that I needed to do anything I could to bring it back. I wish she would have told me that losing your period can be correlated to being underweight, not eating enough, not getting enough nutrition, and overexercising to the point that your body is in a constant state of stress.

But she didn't.

Eventually, I went to a nutritionist and an OBGYN to figure out the cause of my lost period and was told to eat more and to go on the pill to bring up my estrogen.

The pill kinda worked, but eating more and exercising less REALLY worked.

Throughout college, I gained the freshman 15 and more, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I regained somewhat of a period back (still irregular) and gained confidence in who God created me to be, not who I thought I should be.

When Andrew and I got married I went on birth control because I did NOT want to get pregnant my senior year of college.

For the next two years I was on two separate types of hormonal birth control that ultimately did not work out for my body, but I stayed on up until Andrew and I decided that we wanted to try having kids.

I was scared to go off because I knew I'd have to face the reality that I may not have my period or a regular cycle for six months to a year...or more. And even though the thought of having to wait a while to have kids was alright for me because I was still young, I feared that I would never have a regular cycle and never have my fertility back.

In the first month after going off the pill, I prayed every day for my period to come back. By the end of the first month it hadn't returned and even though I knew that it might take some time for my body to hormonally regulate after being on synthetic hormones for years, I was still frustrated. I eventually came to Andrew one night and just cried. I was angry...mainly at myself for hurting my body for so many years by underfeeding it and over-stressing it. Andrew reminded me that God can do anything--even bring back my period. So we sat on our bed and prayed for my period to return.

The next morning I got up and MY PERIOD CAME BACK.

ALRIGHT GOD!!!

I was seriously so overjoyed and I praised God all day and all week and the rest of the year and even now I still can't get over how directly he answered that prayer.

He reminded me of the story of the woman who loses a coin, and the shepherd who loses a sheep...God restores what is lost.

As you may now know, I got pregnant and had a baby boy this past July. It was such a surreal experience (if you want to know my birth story, you can always ask me...I'm open to sharing that with anyone who may be afraid of birth or have any questions about it) and I'm glad I got to have Andrew by my side.

I reflected a lot after giving birth and I realized that God's promise to make me a mom was fulfilled. He had restored what was lost in my life--fertility. I realize now that my disordered eating/exercise was a way for the enemy to distract me from God's calling on my life while also destroying the very thing (my body/fertility) that could make that possible. It was so sneaky, yet so effective.

But God restored.

He healed.

He brought new life into this world.

OK...but then it gets really awesome.

Most of you know that I got an avocado tattoo three years ago in the summer with some of my friends and for me it holds significance in two ways:

1. It helps me remember that ALL food is allowed. I used to be afraid of eating avocados because they had a lot of fat in them. Now they are one of my favorites!

2. My best friend hand drew the design.

Well, I was talking to a friend of mine recently (she is amazing) and she encouraged me to look up avocado trees/their meaning, etc. Just to do some research because God will do a work in a seemingly normal way sometimes.

So I looked it up.

ALRIGHT GOD!!!

One, the avocado tree after maturing takes 3-4 years to develop fruit.

Ok...it was a little over 3 years later that I had Caleb.

Two, the avocado is known around the world as a symbol of fertility.

Ok. Ok. Ok.

Man. God is good, people.

I would love to hear your story of how God's promises in your life have come to fruition or how you are currently in a season where God is doing a work! Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message! I would seriously love to hear it!