Looking Back and Looking Forward--->2020

I have been working on this blog post for three months now...BUT....

We made it.

I think those three words are the best I have, and many of you probably have, to describe this past year.

This year wasn't what any of us expected. Even though I am someone who often sees the potential worst-case-scenarios, I couldn't have anticipated what this year would hold.

As is tradition, I will be reflecting on this past year and looking ahead on what I'm anticipating in 2021.

The beginning of the year, I decided to not have another part-time job in addition to teaching. I was at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy and my energy was low. The year before, I had almost burnt myself out working 40+ hour weeks, and the thought of doing that again filled me with anxiety. Andrew encouraged me to take it easy and enjoy some rest and my pregnancy. I'm so, so glad that I had a couple months to relax a little before going back to work at the flower farm in March...and before COVID-19 began to rear it's ugly head.

We found out we were having a boy in February and our friends were so amazing and made us a gender reveal cake. <3

Luckily, by my second trimester all of the nausea and food aversions were gone.

In March, my brother got married to his best friend and it was a wonderful ceremony. Andrew and I were honored to be a part of the bridal party! This was my first time being a bridesmaid and it was so much fun!

Photo by: hilaryelise.com

In May, we moved to a new apartment and I am so thankful we had so many friends/family nearby to help us move all of our belongings. I was over 30 weeks pregnant at the time and was advised not to do any lifting, so I did a Starbucks run for everyone. (:

I continued working at the flower farm up until the end of June. I mainly did a lot of work that allowed me to stand/sit as it was hard to bend over and do other physical tasks at almost 40 weeks pregnant.

I did a lot of bouquets for retail! Super fun.

Caleb made his appearance at the beginning of July and we were so thankful that he was healthy and came rather quickly! I was induced and from the start of the induction to the end of my labor it was around 12 hours. The instant they laid him on my chest it was such a surreal, holy, and sacred moment.

Throughout the whole pandemic, we (Andrew and I) made the personal decision to continue seeing my family on a weekly basis in person. We limited our social gatherings with others once Caleb was born out of caution, but decided that we needed the support of family and a few close friends. We are so, so thankful that we have my parents close by and that Andrew's parents drove all the way from California to meet Caleb. We have the best support!

Because of the pandemic and having a young baby, we didn't get a chance to travel much this year. Andrew flew out to South Carolina for a wedding, but Caleb and I were unable to make it. We were planning on going to California for Christmas, but with the rise of COVID cases, we made the choice to postpone our trip. It is disappointing and sad, but we all felt it was the best choice given the circumstances.

In September, I celebrated my 25th birthday. As I was reflecting, I remembered when I was 15 years old saying something like "Isn't it so weird that in ten years I could be married and have a kid?" And boom. It happened. Such an odd thing to think about that I've been alive long enough to say, "Oh, 10, 15, 20 years ago I remember what happened."

Anywho.

In October, we were able to go pumpkin picking and go to a friend's wedding. It was fun to get out of the house and see people again.

Caleb started to try some solid foods in November and loved avocado! We were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and it was very special time. We also were able to be with family for Christmas, and I think this will probably be the last year we spend the night at my parents' on Christmas Eve. We realize that as Andrew and I grow our family, we want to have those special and magical moments on Christmas morning with our kids. Of course, we'll go and see family and do Christmas with them too, but I always loved opening gifts and relaxing on Christmas morning with my immediate family...and I want that for our children.

My word for 2020 was joy. When 2020 began, I thought that this would be the year that I would learn how to find joy every day. It is funny, though, how sometimes our assumptions are not exactly how God wants it to be. Even though I do think that I was able to find joy each day, I also faced a lot of really difficult and sad moments. As I was talking to God about joy and what he actually wanted me to learn from reflecting on this word all 2020, I heard him say, "Yes, you found joy...but you also learned how to hold joy and grief together." And that's when it hit me. I have had very little experiences in my life where I have had to hold both of those feelings together...and this year, I had many moments where I was able to hold both. The birth of Caleb mixed with the sadness of a best friend losing her mom to cancer. The time that Andrew and I got to have together mixed with not knowing when we would be able to see certain friends or family again. Andrew's car getting hit by a deer mixed with us paying off our student debt.

There are just so many moments that happen at once and it is easy for us to feel as if we can't experience true grief when someone else is joyful or we can't experience true joy when someone else is grieving. I think we can hold both at the same time...but it's hard.

Andrew and I's word for the year is trust. Proverbs 3:5-10 stuck out to me at the beginning of the year, as well as Psalm 23. The Proverbs verse is about trusting in God and seeking after him and not trusting our own wisdom or understanding. Psalm 23 is about how God is our shepherd...the one who cares for us and takes care of us...but we, like sheep, have to trust that he is a Good shepherd (and good God) who loves us.

When I mentioned these verses to Andrew, I kinda already had a feeling that trust would be my word, but then he suggested it to be our word.

Together we are working through trusting God with all he has given us..and also trusting him when things don't go our way. It's good to have each other to remember how God has been faithful in the past and how he will continue to be faithful in the year(s) to come.

I'd love to hear from you! Private message me or text me your thoughts, answers, or questions. (:

Do you have a word for 2021?

How did you grow in 2020?